A few weeks ago I went through a huge stepping stone in my life - graduating high school. For most of my high school career I just wanted to get out. I would pretend to be sick to miss school. I basically lived in my shell with exceptions to a very few close friends (and I mean very few) I barely did my homework (enough to pass with a C - B average) I would go home and just watch TV and play with the dogs (since my world did, and still does revolve around them) Even though I had my dogs, I wasn't happy. I didn't realize it then but I was very depressed. I'm not sure if that is what added to my shyness or if that was just me.
Exactly one year ago I was making a decision that I had NO idea was going to change my life as I knew it. Agility has always been my passion. I wanted to succeed at it and have fun with my dogs. But I live in Rockford, IL.. And you know what we have here in Rockford? Nothing. So I was training with a local instructor but I wasn't getting the full attention I really needed to succeed. I saw myself barely qualifying and I wasn't learning anything new. I knew there was more, there had to be!
It took everything inside of me to talk to a new instructor. It took a lot to leave the person I was training with since she was overall really good to me. But at the end of May 2010 I message Tim Vojtech and started a session with him which would start in early July. I really had no idea what a huge impact Tim and his family was going to place on me. I saw myself improve as a handler every week. I was qualifying more and having runs that were smooth and tight. But Tim didn't just teach me how to handle. Him and Loretta has helped me a TON with my confidence in myself as a person. I worked really hard on talking to people and keeping eye contact.
For once in my life I felt like I belonged somewhere. They welcomed me with opened arms... and I think that's all I really needed. I spent my whole life feeling unwanted by everyone besides my family. Yeah, I have my close friends but I've had to say goodbye so many times. And that really shut me down to not want to open up to anyone. Now at trials I don't even bring a chair since I'm always running around talking to people. If you would have told me I was going to do that a year ago I would have laughed straight at your face..... or to your shoes ;)
But back to high school - I spent most of my high school career in my shell and not speaking to anyone. My senior year I just started to come out of my shell. It took me until half way through the year to really come out. What I really miss about high school was all the opportunities I lost. I had so much fun at the end of high school I was upset to see it be taken away from me so early.. But it's all just lessons learned. Since that's what high school is suppose to be, right? You're suppose to have regrets and have times that you wish you could do over again. It's all about the learning experience.
I wanted to title this "The Next Chapter" because high school is over and I'm starting college soon. I also start teaching agility classes next week which I swore on my life I was never going to do merely a year ago. What I've learned though is if the opportunity presents itself, you gotta take it. 'Cause there might not be a second chance. I decided to put the title "This Is My Now" since even though I entered a new chapter in my life I have no more regrets. This is my now and I'm going to live my life to the fullest.
"There was a time I packed my dreams away
Living in a shell, hiding from myself
There was a time when I was so afraid
I thought I’d reached the end
Baby that was then
But I am made of more than my yesterdays
This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment
As I look around
I can’t believe the love I see"
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