This Is My Now

I was going to publish this blog next week and title it "The Next Chapter" but a song really popped out to me tonight as I had my iTune on shuffle (the song is at the end of this blog)

A few weeks ago I went through a huge stepping stone in my life - graduating high school.  For most of my high school career I just wanted to get out.  I would pretend to be sick to miss school.  I basically lived in my shell with exceptions to a very few close friends (and I mean very few)  I barely did my homework (enough to pass with a C - B average)  I would go home and just watch TV and play with the dogs (since my world did, and still does revolve around them)  Even though I had my dogs, I wasn't happy.  I didn't realize it then but I was very depressed.  I'm not sure if that is what added to my shyness or if that was just me.

Exactly one year ago I was making a decision that I had NO idea was going to change my life as I knew it.  Agility has always been my passion.  I wanted to succeed at it and have fun with my dogs.  But I live in Rockford, IL.. And you know what we have here in Rockford?  Nothing.  So I was training with a local instructor but I wasn't getting the full attention I really needed to succeed.  I saw myself barely qualifying and I wasn't learning anything new.  I knew there was more, there had to be! 

It took everything inside of me to talk to a new instructor.  It took a lot to leave the person I was training with since she was overall really good to me.  But at the end of May 2010 I message Tim Vojtech and started a session with him which would start in early July.  I really had no idea what a huge impact Tim and his family was going to place on me.  I saw myself improve as a handler every week.  I was qualifying more and having runs that were smooth and tight.  But Tim didn't just teach me how to handle.  Him and Loretta has helped me a TON with my confidence in myself as a person.  I worked really hard on talking to people and keeping eye contact.

My second family.. Thanks for everything.  I love you guys :)

For once in my life I felt like I belonged somewhere.  They welcomed me with opened arms... and I think that's all I really needed.  I spent my whole life feeling unwanted by everyone besides my family.  Yeah, I have my close friends but I've had to say goodbye so many times.  And that really shut me down to not want to open up to anyone.  Now at trials I don't even bring a chair since I'm always running around talking to people.  If you would have told me I was going to do that a year ago I would have laughed straight at your face..... or to your shoes ;)

But back to high school - I spent most of my high school career in my shell and not speaking to anyone.  My senior year I just started to come out of my shell.  It took me until half way through the year to really come out.  What I really miss about high school was all the opportunities I lost.  I had so much fun at the end of high school I was upset to see it be taken away from me so early..  But it's all just lessons learned. Since that's what high school is suppose to be, right?  You're suppose to have regrets and have times that you wish you could do over again.  It's all about the learning experience.

I wanted to title this "The Next Chapter" because high school is over and I'm starting college soon.  I also start teaching agility classes next week which I swore on my life I was never going to do merely a year ago.  What I've learned though is if the opportunity presents itself, you gotta take it.  'Cause there might not be a second chance.  I decided to put the title "This Is My Now" since even though I entered a new chapter in my life I have no more regrets.  This is my now and I'm going to live my life to the fullest.

"There was a time I packed my dreams away
Living in a shell, hiding from myself
There was a time when I was so afraid
I thought I’d reached the end
Baby that was then
But I am made of more than my yesterdays

This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment
As I look around
I can’t believe the love I see"

Sorry, I Have a Dog Show

I absolutely love my life.  Sure there are some bumpy parts in the road, as like everyone else.  But my parents are overall supportive of my dog things, I have the most awesome friends, my dogs are happy & healthy, I'm gaining confidence in myself everyday...  Can't get much better, right? (Okay maybe a battery would be nice.. LOL!)

I don't have many close friends at school.  I am very shy and don't talk to many people (I will tell you though that I am definitely coming out of my shell... 2 months left of senior year though!)  My closest friends are people at agility trials.  For the first time in my life I feel like I belong somewhere and because of that I actually like who I am.  It really sucks though that I only get to see them on the weekends, and that's if I'm trialing that weekend.

Spending New Years with the coven in St. Louis :)

I really do spend a lot of time with them though.. Maybe too much.  Next weekend is Easter weekend.  Most 18 year olds are going to be with their family and enjoy their time together.  Not me.  I'll be at a dog show.  I might not be with my real family but I'll be with my agility family.  But that got me thinking, I've been spending a lot of holidays with my agility family this past year.  Thanksgiving, New Years, Easter.. hell I was even going to go to my instructors house to play some agility on Christmas!  (that's where my mom drew the line and said no)

Spending Easter with Tim and Loretta next week.

Graduation is coming up soon.  Time to step into the real world.  Well, almost.  After college will be the offical "real world"  Is it bad if I want to move more east so I can be closer to my dog friends??  Is it bad if I'm looking at colleges, not to see how far away I'll be from home but if I can still be able to take classes?  My proirities are a little messed up.. Well I think they're perfect actually :)

The Highs and Lows

I started agility 5 years ago with my Border Collie, Homer.  Being my first agility dog and not being taught by the best instructors, Homer and I acquired some bad habits that we are just now trying to fix.  Let me tell you, years of letting him break startlines and self release on the contacts is not an easy fix.  For the past 6 months I've been working hard with him to fix these bad habits.  We had some very successful weekends where he would hold every contact and startline and others where he would break nearly all of them.

I consider myself a patient person.  I never once got mad at Homer for breaking.  I would at him like "Oops, that sucks.  You don't get to play anymore."

The month of March has been very busy for Homer and I.  We had a trial every weekend and 3 out of the 4 were three day trials (luckily two of them were local trials)  The first two trials Homer was PERFECT.  He did awesome with his startlines contacts.  I didn't care at all that we went one day with no Q's and the other with a QQ.  I was just happy he was listening to me, whether we Q or not.  A couple weekends after that he started to break without me looking (I try to lead out confident and not turn around to give him an idea that I'm going to release him)  The way I found out was from videos and people telling me he broke.  Great.  I let him get away with it.

This weekend was definitely one of our lows.  He had to be walked off 4/6 runs.  For the first time in my life I was actually frustrated with him.  It frustrated me that we could go one weekend perfect and the other weekend he wouldn't listen to me at all.  The thing that upset me the most though is we couldn't play.  I had to stick to my criteria and we would go the whole day not running once.  I love running my Homer and it completely sucked that we didn't get to play together.  It really bugged me and I was upset with Homer for not allowing us to play.

I am so lucky to have people who care about me.  Someone told me, "Because of Homer he makes you a better trainer in the long run."  Because of that simple sentence I picked up my chin and tried again.  I know what we're going to be working on the next couple weeks at class.. Thanks Homer.  Literally. You have taught me a lot.. even if sometimes I want to ring your neck.  Okay.. maybe not that far! :)

This morning I was reading the a clean run articale and a quote stood out to me.  "Run the dog you have, not the one you wish you had." (ironicly on an article on why you shouldn't get a BC lol!)  Let's try again Homie.  One day we'll get there!